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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Query Letter

Look at you February, another post!  Don't get a big head, nobody likes a blog with an ego.

So, my query letter was posted on Matthew Rush's blog the last two days.  You can take a look at it here:

He's an awesome writer that has taken it upon himself to help out other fledglings who need help with the query submission process.  For those of you that are complete newbies... When you write a book and you want to get an agent, you have to write a query letter.  It's a brief synopsis of what your book is about and the goal is to snag the agent's attention so they will request to read your book and then sign you and then sell your book for gazillions of dollars, letting you spend the rest of your days living in Fiji drinking pina coladas.

Or something like that.

So thanks again Matt for the great critique!  For all of my recent addition followers, thanks for your comments as well and here is my revised query letter based on your comments.  What do you think?  By the way, this is just the meat of the letter, I left off the intro and ending.

The question to ask yourself non-writers:  Do I want to read this story now?

Seventeen-year old Avery Lancaster worries she might be crazy. 

When an asteroid collides with the sun, a purple solar flare erupts across the sky.    Now Avery can see haunting images when she’s touched.  She has no idea what these images mean, and she’s not the only one with a new, freaky ability.  Teenagers everywhere are becoming Amped.    

The Flare Research Center is formed, and Flare victims are brought in for “their own” safety.   They’re not calling it a prison sentence, but Avery has no intention of being used as science experiment.  She and her friends flee into the mountains of Colorado before they can be captured.

Hounded by FRC agents at every turn, they find another group of runaways hiding in an abandoned mine.    Now Avery is surrounded by kids who can scale walls, detect metal and cast the room into silence like a mute button.  Her visions are lame in comparison.    

Using their unique Amps, they band together to stay hidden from the FRC agents combing the mountains.  But hiding isn’t enough.  They must learn why the Flare only affected teenagers.     When they discover the government is involved, they form a plan to bring the whole system down.  

In order to stop the FRC, Avery must face her greatest fear; embracing her Amp.  If she doesn’t learn to harness her power, she may lose more than her sanity.  She may lose her life.


  1. This is much better. I really like the details about the other kids' powers. Make sure you change seventeen-year old to seventeen-year-old.

  2. Thanks again Matt, you're great! :)

  3. Jumping over here from the qqqe - great query. New follower :)

  4. I love the improvements the workshop brought out in this. Yes I want to read it, and if I were an agent, I would be requesting pages.