Ok so these humans I live with are complete wankers sometimes. Did you know that every single day they close doors in my face and then run away for the entire day leaving me by myself?! And it's a horrible existence I mean all I have is like 16 toys to play with and a big bowl of water and fresh air and sunlight coming through the window. But I have things to do, a dog's daily schedule is very demanding...
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As I was saying (yawn).... Let me tell you how the day really starts. I wake up at the respectable hour of 5am because I'm 5 months old and I have to Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and Eaaaat and run around outside right now! And for some reason these people don't like it when I pee on the floor (I get smacked or yelled at and someone always says Cleoooooooooo Nooooo!) I don't know what that sound means but I think it's this alarm that humans have that goes off when there's pee or poop on the floor. So naturally I start trying to get these lazy humans out of that nest they built in the sky. I used to sleep up there with them but they didn't like it when I would crawl onto their faces in the middle of the night so I decided it's easier to just sleep on the floor. They really don't like to leave the nest though, I can jump up on the side and scratch their arms and legs and faces but all they do is roll over where I can't reach them anymore! Just wait suckers, soon I'll be big enough to climb up there and sit on your faces all on my own. Mwahahahahah!
Finally one of them gets up after I've done the whole scratching, then lay down, scratching, then lay down thing for about 45 min. Then zooooooooom I race downstairs and run to the door, then zooooooooooooom race to the kitchen. Those lazy humans take so long to lumber down the stairs I can do this about 6 times before they finally open the door and then I get to Peeeeeeee! Then they feed me! Then I go outside again! Then we go upstairs and whichever human took me out collapses back on the bed So I run around the room and eat my chewie, then my puppy, then my reindeer, then the tennis ball, then I get a drink of water. Just as I settle down to take my morning nap those wanker humans turn on the lights and start getting dressed. Clothes are baaaad. Clothes mean I'm going to be left behind. I put on my biggest pouting face and try to look as cute as possible so that maybe they'll change their minds and stay with me. They laugh at me and pet me and speak a lot of that weird human language to me, but then they close the door and I'm alone! I bark and bark and no one hears me and my life is so sad and miserable and I will never be happy again...
Bird! A bird just flew by the window, I wonder if a bird would be my friend and play with me and we could run around and then it could pick me up and we could fly around the sky!
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Then they come home and zooooooooooooooom I race to the door and they let me out and I pee and then I eat and then we go for a long walk and they take me to the park and throw the ball and I get to run and chase flowers and jump at the little kids who come over to see me. And sometimes a big mean cat comes and hisses at me and I run away. Then we go home and I go upstairs to the laundry room and spend the rest of the night bringing them socks and underwear, which they always take away even though I went to all that work to find new toys!
Then we go to sleep and do the whole thing over again.....
ZZZzzzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz
As I was saying (yawn).... Let me tell you how the day really starts. I wake up at the respectable hour of 5am because I'm 5 months old and I have to Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and Eaaaat and run around outside right now! And for some reason these people don't like it when I pee on the floor (I get smacked or yelled at and someone always says Cleoooooooooo Nooooo!) I don't know what that sound means but I think it's this alarm that humans have that goes off when there's pee or poop on the floor. So naturally I start trying to get these lazy humans out of that nest they built in the sky. I used to sleep up there with them but they didn't like it when I would crawl onto their faces in the middle of the night so I decided it's easier to just sleep on the floor. They really don't like to leave the nest though, I can jump up on the side and scratch their arms and legs and faces but all they do is roll over where I can't reach them anymore! Just wait suckers, soon I'll be big enough to climb up there and sit on your faces all on my own. Mwahahahahah!
Finally one of them gets up after I've done the whole scratching, then lay down, scratching, then lay down thing for about 45 min. Then zooooooooom I race downstairs and run to the door, then zooooooooooooom race to the kitchen. Those lazy humans take so long to lumber down the stairs I can do this about 6 times before they finally open the door and then I get to Peeeeeeee! Then they feed me! Then I go outside again! Then we go upstairs and whichever human took me out collapses back on the bed So I run around the room and eat my chewie, then my puppy, then my reindeer, then the tennis ball, then I get a drink of water. Just as I settle down to take my morning nap those wanker humans turn on the lights and start getting dressed. Clothes are baaaad. Clothes mean I'm going to be left behind. I put on my biggest pouting face and try to look as cute as possible so that maybe they'll change their minds and stay with me. They laugh at me and pet me and speak a lot of that weird human language to me, but then they close the door and I'm alone! I bark and bark and no one hears me and my life is so sad and miserable and I will never be happy again...
Bird! A bird just flew by the window, I wonder if a bird would be my friend and play with me and we could run around and then it could pick me up and we could fly around the sky!
ZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzz
Then they come home and zooooooooooooooom I race to the door and they let me out and I pee and then I eat and then we go for a long walk and they take me to the park and throw the ball and I get to run and chase flowers and jump at the little kids who come over to see me. And sometimes a big mean cat comes and hisses at me and I run away. Then we go home and I go upstairs to the laundry room and spend the rest of the night bringing them socks and underwear, which they always take away even though I went to all that work to find new toys!
Then we go to sleep and do the whole thing over again.....
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